you were never a saint (and I've loved the shades of wrong)
by breakingatthecracks
Summary: Santana Lopez and the many times it could've gone wrong with Judy Fabray but didn't because as it turns out, they have one thing in common.


**A/N: Okay, so now I'm back to writing the usual way. I hope you like this, I didn't really take the usual _Meet the Family _thing. And Judy Fabray kinda appeals to me in this suburban mom kind of way (I've been watching 'Suburgatory' again so, yeah, maybe that's why haha). Typo errors are all my fault (see: jetlag).**_  
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**Again, just a reminder, that all my QW14 entries are connected. I would sometimes mention things from the other entries.**

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_Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right_.

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**(ALL WE KNOW IS TOUCH AND GO.)**

The first time Santana meets Judy Fabray, she almost laughs.

It's in freshman year and really, she didn't think women like that still existed in this century—a typical suburban Stepford wife, neatly combed hair, loads of jewelry—until Judy walked into the clinic and quickly runs to Quinn's side as her bestfriend nursed a _minor _ankle injury.

"Oh, honey. Are you okay?" Judy asks Quinn with that worried look on her face.

"I'm okay, Mom. I can walk it off."

"But the school nurse called and—"

"I said I can walk it off," Quinn says in that hard and stubborn tone.

It's the moment Santana choses to step in. She'd been sitting on the other bed the whole time.

"She can't," Santana interjects, not letting Quinn _walk it off_ because she can't. "It was a hard fall."

"Santana," Quinn warns her, giving her a glare that would've probably sent anyone running but not Santana.

Okay, it is a scary look on Quinn. She just does it so well. Days like this, Santana is thankful looks can't actually kill. But that kid from the Chess Club choked on his _water _when Quinn passed by this morning, he didn't die… but hey, it could've been worse. So, yeah, maybe stares could kill.

Quinn's stare at least.

Judy gives her a look and it amazes Santana how similar it is to that of Quinn's stare when she's judging someone. She gets it, okay? The Fabrays are known in this town for disliking people of color and that includes the Lopezes for some reason.

It's not exactly a family feud but everybody knows that one time Russell Fabray refused to get his chest pain checked just because Dr. Martin Lopez was the only doctor on duty that night. Yeah, not exactly a family feud.

"I'm Santana. I'm in the squad with Quinn," she introduces herself.

Judy smiles and _God_, it's so fake, "I'm Judy Fabray, I'm Quinn's mom."

Santana nods and fakes a smile as well, "I know, I see the resemblance."

Judy nods and her grin widens, probably flattered of the compliment. Meanwhile, Santana catches Quinn rolling her eyes because she knows Santana is faking being nice.

"Well, thank you for staying, Santana. I'll take it from here."

"She's gonna drive me home," Quinn says as she slowly hops off the bed.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, don't be stubborn now. You're coming with me."

"You're drunk."

Santana just stands awkwardly in front of the two blondes. She doesn't miss the way Judy consciously gives her a look, as if she's suddenly embarrassed of Quinn's revelation.

"Don't worry, mom. She knows everything. She's my bestfriend."

Now, it's Santana's turn to be a little bit surprised.

Quinn just said she's her bestfriend.

And no, Santana's heart didn't celebrate at that.

_Not at all._

"Just go home, Mom, and meet me there. Santana's father will be here any minute now."

Judy turns to her and looks at her as if asking for any kind of assurance.

Santana gets it, of course. She's a lot of things but she's not naïve. She nods and gives Judy a small smile of reassurance, "My Father is a good driver plus, he's the president of the PTA and he's a doctor. We'll take her home safely, Mrs. Fabray."

"Mr. Lopez is the president of the PTA?" Judy asks and it almost makes Santana laugh because out of all the things she said, Judy grasped the PTA part.

"He is," Santana answers, nodding proudly. "He does the lawn on weekends, too, because Mama won't shut up about it."

Judy Fabray actually laughs and _wow_, Santana feels incredibly hateful of herself for thinking she might like Judy.

"Are we done with the chit-chat?" Quinn interjects.

Santana stands next to Quinn and allows Quinn to use her for support and balance. She puts her arm around Quinn's waist as the blonde slings one arm around her shoulder.

They slowly walk to the front of the school and at some point, Santana has managed to steal a glance in Judy's direction. She's walking by Quinn's other side and as she stares at Quinn, Santana could swear she saw Judy soften, like all her defenses just magically disappeared.

It didn't last long but Santana knows it was there. It's in that moment Santana decides that Judy Fabray is actually a lot more than being the poster child for the town's trophy wives club.

For some reason, Santana thinks Judy and Quinn are alike. Quinn, too, is a lot more than the person she pretends to be.

Maybe, that's why they're bestfriends—they see past each other's defenses.

But who's Santana to really know.

They've only been bestfriends for five minutes.

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**(OUR SLATES ARE CLEAN.)**

She encounters Judy a lot of times after that. Mostly, it's during the many sleepovers at the Fabray mansion. They don't exchange words, not even on the breakfast table. She's still Mrs. Fabray and Santana is still the kind of person who belongs in the Fabray Family List of People to Avoid.

But a year later, Santana and Judy meet again.

Judy has left Russell and Quinn is giving birth.

"Looks like we're here again, Mrs. Fabray," Santana says, recalling the last time they actually talked. It was in the school clinic and they're on a waiting room right now. It's vaguely familiar.

"Call me Judy."

"Really?"

Judy laughs, "Yes. Santana."

"Wow, I feel like I should have a picture of this or something."

The older woman laughs again and Santana finally sees the _mom _Quinn's been talking about—that one who gets up before the sun rises on Christmas Day just to secretly bake her daughters Christmas cookies. Christmas cookies are not allowed in the Fabray household because it's not part of their tradition.

"Do you think she's gonna come back from this, Santana?"

Santana doesn't even think twice, "Of course, Judy. She's your daughter, she has your strength."

Judy smiles as tears fall from her eyes.

"Thank you for being a good friend to Quinn."

Santana sighs, guilt embracing her whole being, "Quinn and I aren't exactly close anymore. We kind of drifted apart."

Judy smirks in a way that so similar to Quinn's smirk when she's about to say something so clever or right. It's so creepy how similar it is. The woman looks around her as if showing Santana something, "You're here, Santana. You're the only one who stayed, it's all that will matter to her."

Santana breathes a sigh of relief. "You know, if you need friends, my Mama and Papa will have this barbeque on Saturday. You should be there."

"After all I've put them through?"

"It wasn't you. It was your husband."

"I'm guilty by association."

"Well, I am, too. I'm bestfriends with your daughter."

The silence that follows almost makes Santana believe that she will turn the invitation down again but after a few moments, Judy turns to her, "What sauce should I bring?"

Santana laughs, actually laughs because wow. She's about to talk to Judy Fabray about barbeque sauce.

Progress?

She thinks so.

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**(I NEVER SAW YOU COMING.)**

Judy became good friends with both of Santana's parents. Turns out, Judy is actually pretty hilarious. She's not exactly as bright as Quinn but she says the best one-liners Santana's ever heard from a woman of her age. She's kinda like an older Brittany but only with more finesse and, well, alcohol. She never really got rid of the habit but after weeks of mourning the divorce, Judy got herself back on track—a few drinks here and there but she's never passed out since.

Most nights, when Quinn's out, she stays up and waits for Quinn to come home. Most of those nights, Santana drove Quinn home and Judy would invite her to stay every time. Quinn would hop off the passenger seat and Judy would come over to invite Santana in, constantly reminding her about how late it is. Sometimes, Santana accepts the offer and stays.

And then the times she said _no_ became frequent.

Santana's sure Judy knows exactly when Quinn started hopping off the backseat of her car. It's during those days that Brittany sat in the front.

It's also during those days that Judy stops asking her to stay. She respects it and she also gets it.

Quinn has become Santana's afterthought now.

And as Judy and Quinn's relationship healed, the one Santana had with Quinn started falling apart. A part of it is because of Brittany; the larger part is all Santana.

The larger part is all of Santana's fears.

She was never the strong one.

That's why when she felt her feelings grow stronger, Santana runs to the next pair of arms that will catch her.

Quinn never will.

What's worse is that Santana?

Santana just keeps on falling.

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**(BUT THIS LOVE IS BRAVE AND WILD.)**

The next time Santana's alone in a room with Judy, they don't talk.

Santana is in a stupid pink dress and Judy is crying.

Quinn's been in surgery for eight hours.

The doctors keep saying there's no guarantee.

But Santana thinks about Judy and her strength; about Russell kicking Quinn out, about Quinn giving up the baby. Santana thinks about the Ryan Seacrest tattoo and she thinks about the pink hair.

Santana thinks about Quinn and sees a woman who has survived so much. For the first time in a long time, Santana prays.

She bargains with the god she's not sure she believes in. She doesn't know what she's doing but she bargains.

_Just bring her back and I'll never let her go again. I promise._

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**(THIS IS THE WORTHWHILE FIGHT.)**

Quinn wakes up four days later.

The first thing she sees are Judy and Santana watching an episode of Gilmore Girls on a laptop.

Quinn's first words after the accident: _"Unbelievable_._"_

Santana doesn't leave her side except for the times it was really necessary. Quinn stays at the hospital for a month and a half and they finish all seasons of Gilmore Girls before Quinn gets discharged.

They take her home that night and when Santana was about to leave Quinn's room to go home, Quinn asks, "Can you stay? For the night?"

Santana nods, "Can I change first? I smell like old people."

Quinn smiles, "Yeah."

"And Quinn?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Tears form in her eyes but she banters, "That's scary."

Santana laughs for the first time since the accident, "Yeah, you better get scared. It's gonna be so damn hard to get rid of me."

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**(THESE ARE THE HANDS OF FATE.)**

Santana's starting to think that the most pivotal conversation she's had with Quinn's mother all took place in a hospital setting—the injured leg, Beth, the accident, and now this.

It's unbelievable but Santana realized that she and Judy actually have one thing in common: _they both love Quinn more than anything in this world_.

"She's premature, Judy," Santana says as they both stare at the baby inside the incubator. IVs and other sorts of machines are attached to her, helping her breathe; survive.

"She's gonna be fine," Judy says. She sounds sure.

Santana looks up at her and sees Judy smiling at the baby girl.

"She has Quinn's eyes and it's obvious that she's blonde. She'd be a wonderful lady."

Santana sighs, "Judy."

Judy looks up at her and Santana realizes how Judy has come so far from that person she met a long time ago. This woman has become Quinn's _mom _now and not just her birth mother. This woman has been sober for two and a half years and this woman has accepted that daughter isn't—and never will be—the person she's always imagined her to be.

It's great because Judy doesn't see that as a disappointment. Quinn growing up as her own person has made Judy so proud. And Judy has taken Santana in, like she's her own.

Judy hums, "Santana, dear?"

"Quinn really wanted to give you a normal family. I'm sorry if Madison is gonna grow up having to defend her moms all the time."

Judy shakes her head, an encouraging expression starts to draw in her face, "No, Santana. You and Quinn are gonna give Madison a home full of love and she's gonna grow up well-loved and accepted. It's the most normal kind of upbringing you can give your child. You're not gonna be Russell and I. Madison is lucky to have you both."

"When did you start accepting me, Judy? You know, as Quinn's other half?"

Judy smiles warmly, "One time after the accident, Quinn and I were talking, bravely, about the possibility she might never walk again and we had this long talk. But you know what stuck with me the most?"

Santana just looks at her, anticipating the next part of the story.

"She said she imagines being 80 years old, still sitting on that _damn _chair. She said she sees you in the same elder home, teasing her about texting and driving."

Santana smiles at the thought.

Judy smiles and takes her hand, giving Santana some sort of a reassurance, "I nearly laughed and I thought, _my _ _God, Quinn is in love with her bestfriend and she doesn't even know it_."

"What are you saying?" Santana asks laughingly.

"Santana, she's 80 and she's sitting on a wheelchair and she still sees you there. She sees you in her future. She has included you in her plans."

Tears brim in Santana's eyes and they fall when she looks down at the baby again.

Maybe, Madison will visit them at the elder home. Maybe, she'll take her own family with her. Maybe, their future second baby will be there, too.

And wow, Santana just realized how much their kids will hate them in their old age.

Because they're 80.

And Santana still tells Quinn _I Love You _every single day.

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The title is from Taylor Swift's "State of Grace". Don't judge. lol

Reviews?


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